


Pricks and Treacle Tarts and Dicks Oh My!

by demarafis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-13
Updated: 2012-03-13
Packaged: 2017-11-01 23:52:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demarafis/pseuds/demarafis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><span><a href="http://weepingcock.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://weepingcock.livejournal.com/"><b>weepingcock</b></a></span> taught us that sticky things—like treacle tarts—do not make good lubricant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pricks and Treacle Tarts and Dicks Oh My!

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Snape and Harry belong to JKR, not me.
> 
>  **A/N:** Unbeta'd. Happy birthday, [](http://demicus.livejournal.com/profile)[**demicus**](http://demicus.livejournal.com/) /[](http://demikiss.insanejournal.com/profile)[ **demikiss**](http://demikiss.insanejournal.com/)!

"Potter, what did you just put on my cock?"

"Er, lube?"

"Then what is that infernal smell? This cannot be lubricant as I do not recall brewing anything that so sickeningly mimics the odour of _treacle tarts_."

"It's just a specialty lube I picked up at Zonko's while buying the kids' school materials."

"Specialty lube? Zonko's? Merlin's beard, you bought lubrication from a _joke shop_? I produce the world's best personal lubricant—we have a three-year wait list—and yet you went and paid for lubricant from a store that did not even specialise in sex products!"

"We won't have a three-year waiting list if you let me help—"

"And have you lay ruin to half a year's worth of products such that not even a _single drop_ will be salvageable?"

"That was an accident, but—"

"For the last time, I am _not hiring an assistant!_ Do you know how much revenue we lost after the last fool walked off with our patented recipe even after swearing several Unbreakable Vows? We cannot afford to spend another five years developing a new formula just to regain market presence again!"

"But Sev—"

"Your elementary deferral tactics fail again to derail me—why did you purchase an inferior product?"

"It tastes of treacle tart—"

"Merlin, you'd rather eat treacle tarts than suck my prick? "

"No! It's just—"

"Does my willy taste so awful that you have to mask its piquancy with _treacle tarts_?"

"That's not what—"

"Is giving head so distasteful that you have to bribe yourself with your favourite dessert?"

"For Merlin's sake—"

"We have been together for twenty-eight years. Twenty-eight years, Potter, and you still haven't managed being candid?"

"Just give me a sec—"

"I am going nowhere near your arse with treacle tart on my wang! The friction from the stickiness alone will make the experience comparable to being under the Cruciatus Curse—"

"Can you _please_ shut—"

"—for the both of us! And—"

" _Scourgify!_ "

"Fuck! Potter! What the bloody hell was that for! Did you just try to _neuter_ your husband by flaying him alive???"

"Look, the lube's gone—"

"Of course it is gone! You _magicked_ it away, imbecile!"

"Why do I even—"

"You are not getting any tonight; my dong's too raw."

"Yes, yes, I'll be buggering you instead."

"If you apply more of that sugary fly-trap on your broomstick, I refuse to guarantee the survival of your bits."

"I will make sure to only use 'Severus Snape's Performance-Enhancing Nerve-Invigorating-Solution'(TM)* personal lubricant."

"You _better_."

"Love you, git."

"Get on with it, brat."

"Yes, sir!"

"And put your back to it."

~<3

*"Severus Snape's Performance-Enhancing Nerve-Invigorating-Solution(TM) personal lubricant" is better known as "Snape's PENIS lube" ;-D


End file.
